How to Punch a Writing Slump in the Face
Oh, dreaded writing slump, how we fear you. CURSE YOUR SLIMY, BRAIN-FOGGING WAYS!
The Pain! The Horror! The Clickbait Title!
Last year, I suffered the worst writing slump of my life—allow me this melodrama, since it’s winter. I felt like I was trying to harvest each neuron from my brain lobes, only to collapse in a cold sweat and lick runes on the floor. I struggled to get two hundred words, and those words were all verifiable shit. Research was done. Panic was had. Void-screaming escalated from tunnel-of-mistakes to volcano-of-doom levels.
You see I dealt with it in my usual calm and collected way.
So…how did I dig myself out of the floor-licking abyss?
Well, it wasn’t pretty. I basically attempted a lot of random shit and monitored myself for several months to see what stirred my brain loins. If it worked, it went into a messy, discombobulated document. In the hopes that my chaos could ease others’ void-screaming and existential rage, I have parsed this document into more legible nonsense below. However, everyone is different, what works for me might not work for you, I have no business giving advice when I forget to wear pants most days, disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer—ooh, a jelly bean!
How to Punch That Slump
1. Don’t Write
Self-serving as this may sound, slumps usually occur as a result of burnout, overstimulation, exhaustion, and other delightful, adulting-adjacent things. Taking a break to bring your brain to the spa can work wonders. Read, shower, take a walk—or do all three at once if you’re clever.
2. Try Writing Sprints
I stubbornly avoided these for years, because I thought sprinting would reduce quality, but the opposite happened. That being said, I do not practice the hard-core sprints where you must type the whole time, and your fingers cannot leave the keyboard, lest the devil smite you. I tried a few time chunks, but I now do three thirty-minute sprints with ten-minute breaks between, which is great if you have to stagger writing sessions throughout the day (ex. lunch, boring meeting, nighttime demon-summoning, etc.). Sprints focus my mind and tell my doubts to fuck off. When you only have a short amount of time to write, your mind stops spiraling—or mine does, at least. But don’t worry, you can still practice existential rage in those ten-minute breaks!
3. Write Shit
Write something purposely awful to get those writing gears spinning again. It’s like stretching before a run to warm up those muscles—or lack of muscles, in my case. Letting go of perfection can really get shit done. There is no pressure or fear when your goal is to brain-dump verbal diarrhea, but that verbal diarrhea lubes up your brain to fuel creative juices, and this analogy has once again gone TOO FAR.
4. Write Something Different
Change genres. Change age ranges. Write poetry. Follow a prompt. Free-write angst. Trying something completely different can often trick our writing drive to engage like Vin Diesel’s NOS.
5. Find a Friend or Kidnap a Stranger
Find someone to tell about your work in progress. Often, your excitement will re-emerge when communicating without the fear and doubts of sprouting words on paper.
6. Switch It Up
Change your process, structure, and/or routine through trial and error. Write in short bursts, then write in long-winded diatribes. Write a scene’s bones, then flesh it out with action and character beats. Write linearly, then write out of order. Write in the morning, then midday, then at night. Try a bunch of random shit till some of that shit sticks.
7. Devour Story
Read, watch television, go to the movies, attend concerts, stalk art museums, and scroll Nicolas Cage memes. The more you refill your creative well, the more feverishly inspired necrophiliac scenes you can write.
8. Bribe Yourself
This one works like a charm for me, because I am a child. Tell me I can have chocolate after I write for half an hour, and I fucking GO. Other bribes that have worked for my immature mind are beer, whisky, ice cream, big explosions in movies, and T. rex vs. chicken videos on YouTube. Find something that motivates you, and use it to spur your writing. If you’re in a really bad slump, set yourself up for success by only writing for ten minutes to ensure you get that chocolate.
9. Dance
Get the blood flowing with a crazy dance. Though I am as graceful as a drunken pigeon, movement helps me get out of my head, which then gets me back into my head…if that makes any fucking sense. Anyway, it doesn’t hurt to traumatize the neighbors with some harmless twerking once in a while.
10. Set Tiny Goals
For me, time goals work better than word count goals, because my word count varies every day. I find that if I write longer than my three sprints, the writing quality severely suffers. Also, I know I can almost always find three thirty-minute chunks in the day, though when I can’t, I set smaller goals, like writing for ten or fifteen minutes, or brainstorming at the bus stop. Fit writing into your schedule in a way that works for you. If you can only write for twenty minutes at lunch, make that your goal, and chest-bump the wall when you reach it every day. Again, setting yourself up for success works wonders for consistency and confidence.
11. Train Your Brain
It takes three weeks to two months in order to form a new habit, according to “Those Who Know Many Things.” So before rage-quitting (I speak from experience), give yourself enough time to find a groove or determine if you need a new groove. Also, realize you will have shitty days, and that’s okay. Be gentle with yourself, and trust yourself. You know how to tell your story best. Maybe today sucked bile-soaked kidney stones, but tomorrow is another day when fate can suck your bile-soaked kidney stones.
12. Boost Your Confidence
Bash negative thoughts with aggressive positivity, no matter how absurd it feels. The more rejection we get, the harder it is to stay afloat, so it’s important we devise mantras and/or affirmations that spawn a shield of violent joy and confidence in our skulls. Examples of said mantras might include: “I’m a fucking Jedi,” “Darth Vader has nothing on me,” “I’m a lucky-ass bitch,” “Time to conquer the shadow realms,” and “This is going to be an awesome fucking year OR ELSE.”
13. Dive Deep
I try to lose myself in story, to become so immersed that fear can’t touch me. It’s a feeling I’ve chased since writing the Rift Cycle, to be honest, though I’ve managed to lure it back into my lair with my current WIP.
At the end of the day, you are the only one who matters when it comes to your writing, so don your crown and cloak to SLAY. Best of luck, breachlings. You got this.
New Interviews
No new interviews this month, my darling word dragons, but if you want to stalk my ridiculous self, the Press Updates section of my website contains people kind enough to indulge my insanity.
Recent Reads
I’ve read some great tree corpses this past month or however long it’s been since we last chaosed in my cyberdungeon. I’ve been leaning into my dark fantasy/dark fantasy romance feels with a thriller and a cozy fantasy sprinkled in.
The Plated Prisoner Series (Gild, Glint, Gleam, & Glow) by Raven Kennedy
The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandanna
The Seep by Chana Porter
The Bridge Kingdom by Danielle L. Jensen
Fortuna Sworn by K.J. Sutton
The Amendment by Kiersten Modglin
Far Beneath the Wicked Woods by L.V. Russell
Bride to the Fiend Prince by Rebecca F. Kenney
Podcasts/Channels to Stalk
The Writing Community Chat Show, Story of a Storyteller, The Tiny Bookcase, Boomers on Books, The Shadow’s Project, Steve Talks Books, What The Book, Human Chapters, Words & Pictures, Talk Wordy to Me
Aggressive Love
So there you have it, thirteen ways to punch the shit out of a writing slump and make it beg for mercy beneath your ruthless fists. I hope this helps, and if it doesn’t, then I send flocks of vengeful ravens to feast upon the entrails of your enemies! May chaos bring you glory, and may the ghosts of a million banished walruses form an undead army to bless you with endless victory and jelly beans!
Lots of love & chaos,
Halo
Really love the way you wrote this, it's oddly inspiring! Thank you.
Great advice Halo! Thanks for the tips and tricks!